


Innocent Harm

by ChaNssi



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, and maybe a bit of fantasy too, but can be seen that way, can be interpreted any which way, idek what this is, kind of inspired from on and on, maybe a little too many, metaphors galore, not entirely supernatural, open ended pos, vague af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 20:51:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14144319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaNssi/pseuds/ChaNssi
Summary: (Ugh I suck at summaries)Not every story has to being with a long, long ago.Jaehwan's story started not too long ago.Jaehwan was just ready to get hurt.





	Innocent Harm

_ INNOCENT HARM _

Not every single story has to begin with a long, long ago.

 

.

.

 

It started with the little things, those he never paid even the smallest bit of attention to. But looking back, he’d be able to pinpoint the exact time he figured he was doomed.

With all the secretly shared glances, the shy smiles when their eyes met, and the butterflies that inevitably followed. With the birds singing in the background as if exclusively for them and the light breeze that flitted around, whipping hair into their eyes, prompting the other to initiate touches that frizzled with intensity under the moonlit skies.

Jaehwan wouldn’t say they connected immediately. He would rather say it built up over time. Just like how millions of water droplets collect to form an ocean, just like a hurricane that would collect all the storms and hit with unimaginable vehemence.

It was never simple though. Jaehwan hated having to meet in secrecy. Jaehwan hated having to meet under the moon and the moon alone. Jaehwan hated having to pretend not to know each other. Jaehwan hated it when he had to stamp down on his little bouts of jealousy. Jaehwan hated it when they were forced to be away from each other.

“It’s not right,” he was told. What was so wrong about it, he never understood. How could something that felt so damn perfect be anything but?

But he managed.

 It was the little things that counted anyway, right? He could always recount what colour the sky was painted when they finally had the time, he would never forget the shape of the clouds above their heads. He would try his hardest to commit to memory the way the moonlight shaded Hakyeon’s hair. He loved to replicate it when he could. But he could never get it right. Either the angle or the colours, something was always wrong.

Jaehwan felt it was the most natural thing when he realised he had fallen far too deep. But it was inevitable, and he knew that as well. How could he not, when Hakyeon was the one who plunged his dark, bleary world into a spectrum of colours and sprayed it with all the glam and glitz that was missing? How could he not, when Hakyeon was the only one to truly try and understand what he was and what he stood for? How could he not, when Hakyeon made him see beyond his line of sight, beyond what he thought was even imaginable?

Hakyeon was the rose bud in the midst of all the prickly thorns. Hakyeon was the firefly that lit the darkened path. Hakyeon was the will of the wisp of his life. Hakyeon was the silver lining of the rain clouds. Hakyeon was the first ray of sunshine making it’s way through, lighting every bit of free surface and providing it with warmth.

At times they talked, at times they stared at one another. At times they kissed and at times they let the silence engulf them in a comfortable bubble and sat back to relax. But above all else, they had the times of their lives.

He had other friends, of course. Those who tried their hardest to keep him away from the one thing that mattered the most to him, besides his love for the art. But they still were the only reminders of his past. He couldn’t let them go, not when they fought tooth and nail to not leave his side when everything went stumbling down the hill.

“Why do you even like him?” Wonshik would have the sourest look on his face when he would pose the question, and Jaehwan never once understood why Wonshik had to look like it physically harmed him.

“Because he truly loves me, despite of everything,” Jaehwan’s answer wouldn’t change.

“I don’t trust him. What if,” Wonshik would leave it to Jaehwan to interpret. He wouldn’t bother elaborating.

Jaehwan would sigh, “He isn’t _him_ , he would never hurt me,” He knew Wonshik meant no harm, but it hurt him to think that his best friend didn’t understand just how much Hakyeon truly meant to him.

On some other nights, it would be Sanghyuk coming at him with a barrage of questions.

“Hyung, I just don’t want to see you hurt again,” Sanghyuk would look at him with the most doleful eyes, trying to guilt him into letting Hakyeon go. But it doesn’t work that way, does it?

Jaehwan would then avoid those eyes, especially when he would feel their gaze rove over his body, in search of bruises long since healed, but scars were not something that ever disappeared. They did not leave his present unmarked.

“I’m not hurting, Sanghyuk,” Jaehwan would reply.

Most of these incidents, he would keep to himself. But at times, even when he put on the brightest smile he could muster and walk through it all as if it wasn’t killing him, Hakyeon would notice. And it was nights such as those that made him appreciate just how much Hakyeon cared.

“Tell me, Jaehwan. What’s bothering you? I hate to see you like this. I hate not knowing how to comfort you,” Hakyeon would hold his hands in his own and rub soothing patterns of nothing into his skin. It always burned and crackled with electricity when Hakyeon thrummed his fingers along in feather light touches. It made Jaehwan shiver under the crackling intensity.

“It’s nothing,” Jaehwan would reply, not meeting his eyes.

But Hakyeon would know. He always did. He’d run his fingers along the cuff of Jaehwan’s full hand shirt and thumb along his wrist with such delicacy, “They’re worried, Jaehwan. I would be too, if I was in their position. Don’t hold it against them,”  

And Jaehwan’s breath would hitch in his throat. “How can you say that? They don’t like you. Why can you still see the goodness in them?”

“Because Jaehwan,” He would pull him close and engulf his shoulders with his hands, head resting against the crook of his neck, “They were with you for the longest time, and they most definitely know what’s best for you,”

And Jaehwan’s heart would melt. How could someone as selfless as Hakyeon even exist? What great things had he done in his previous life for him to deserve this man? He always felt so inadequate comparatively, and Hakyeon always managed to quell such thoughts before they began to manifest in the most wicked ways.

Jaehwan simply fell in love.

_He definitely gave me a look and the moonlight falls at the right time_ _  
As if you know everything, as if you’re teasing_

 

.

.

 

It started with the little things, those he never paid even the smallest bit of attention to. But looking back, he’d be able to pinpoint the exact time he figured he was doomed.

With the way Hakyeon would at times avoid hid eyes, with the way the initial spark began to fade. With the way the span between their meetings began to grow, with the way the beautiful touches stopped lingering.   

Jaehwan hadn’t minded, though. He knew how much of a trouble they both of them were needing to go through, just to get a peek at each other. He knew how much of a trouble Hakyeon was going through to help him sneak out of his room in the middle of the nights. He knew how much effort Hakyeon was putting in to not let go.

Wonshik and Sanghyuk weren’t making it easy for them either. They still didn’t get it. They still had a hard time accepting the fact that Hakyeon was not a bad person, that he was one of the most decent souls one would ever come across.

“Hyung, why don’t you see it this way? Ask him why he’s not letting you come out in public? Why must it always be within the confines of the gardens, in the dead of the nights?” Sanghyuk would try pointing it out.

“No, you don’t get it Sanghyuk. We can’t. The society will not accept it,” Jaehwan knew how trying the society could be, how ugly it could be, despite being painted with warming smiles all over. It was never the case.

“Then let us meet him. We don’t ever judge. You know that,” Wonshik would argue.

Jaehwan would simply smile, “It’s not that simple, Wonshik. He’s under enough pressure without me having to dump all my baggage onto his shoulders. I can’t see him bend under any more troubles,”

Wonshik would then frown. Sanghyuk would open his mouth to argue.

“You haven’t even told us his name yet, hyung,” he would point out.

But one look from Jaehwan would effectively shut them up. They never say a word when Jaehwan would look at himself in one of the many mirrors that somehow always surround them when they meet.

All the gashes may not be fresh, but in their eyes, they would still be able to recall the exact shade of pink, blue and purple Jaehwan’s skin had been littered when they found him one particular day, almost beaten to death. Jaehwan knows it very well, he knows they mean well, much like what Hakyeon tells him, but it doesn’t hurt any less when they look like they want to keep him safe from the cruel, cruel world.

Hakyeon would, in the few nights they get, try to make him look at himself in the mirror, disrobed and unarmed. Jaehwan would flinch. It hurt to look at the reminders of the past, but he knew Hakyeon would never do that to him, He knew Hakyeon would make it all fade to the back of his mind, maybe even make him forget the unfavourable parts of his history.

But Hakyeon wouldn’t meet his eyes. Why? Was there something wrong with Hakyeon’s own? Was there something he was missing? He never understood. But he didn’t complain either.

Jaehwan managed.

Some nights, when they wouldn’t have even held hands for days, or rather nights on end, he would become all jittery and ask, “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

Hakyeon would be broken out of his reverie. He would smile, but it wouldn’t reach his eyes. There would be no crinkles, his eyes wouldn’t be crescents.

“No, of course not. What makes you think you did?”

“You’re not looking at me, Hakyeon. Of course I would think I made a mistake,” He’d try to not let Hakyeon know just how much that scared him.

“I’m frightened,” Hakyeon admitted one night. He wouldn’t go on though. Jaehwan did not understand what it was that Hakyeon was frightened of.

He tried to probe and prod, but to no avail. Hakyeon had become as tight lipped as when he stopped returning open mouthed and close eyed kisses. Jaehwan couldn’t get through. He made a wish underneath the blood red sky that night, one that he hoped with all his heart and mind would come true. That Hakyeon wouldn’t leave. That Hakyeon loved him. That Hakyeon cared.

And yet, Jaehwan’s heart still beat for that one person.

_The end of your words are vague and my tears fall_ _  
I’m on my knees and I’m ready to get hurt_

 

 

.

.

 

It started with the little things, those he never paid even the smallest bit of attention to. But looking back, he’d be able to pinpoint the exact time he figured he was doomed.

With it having escalated from a week to a month to a few, with all the time Jaehwan spent with his sketch book propped open, with all the time he poured relentlessly over trying to capture the beauty of Hakyeon. With all loss of intimacy, with the ever growing divide, and with Hakyeon withdrawing more and more into himself.

“You don’t look so good hyung,” Sanghyuk commented one particular day. They still met in the same room, the one with a million reflections.

“Hmm? I feel fine, Hyuk,” Jaehwan replied. He did. His body was not in pain. His wrists were fine too. He hadn’t hurt himself too deep and having covered himself from head to toe, it was all indiscernible.

“You will tell us if something is wrong?” Wonshik did not look like he truly believed in what he asked.

Jaehwan smiled, “Of course. Who else would I talk to? I don’t have anyone else,” and that was becoming fast true. But Jaehwan had forgotten about the mirrors in the room and it failed to strike how he wouldn’t be able to hide crossed fingers behind his back.

It had gotten to the point where Hakyeon even stopped talking altogether. He told him it was the work. He told him it was family. He told him he was extremely busy. And Jaehwan tried, he tried his best to understand, damnit. He did. But at times, his thoughts would be poisoned. At times, he would wonder if Hakyeon was ever true to his words. But he still wouldn’t, couldn’t let him go.

Jaehwan would manage.

“Hakyeon, are you leaving?” Jaehwan mustered up all the courage he could pick up and posed.

Hakyeon looked up from his book.

“Where would I go, Jaehwan?”

“I don’t know, it feels like we’re not the same anymore. You’ll tell me before you leave?” Jaehwan played with his fingers. He couldn’t look up into Hakyeon’s eyes as he asked.

“I am a part of you, Jaehwan,” He knew Hakyeon was smiling. He could feel it, but the radiance was not the same. It just wasn’t. And the answer was yet again ambiguous.

And yet, Jaehwan couldn’t stop loving him.

_Once again, you leave room, you leave strange words_ _  
And I look at you as you take off and I cry_

 

.

.

 

Not every single story has to begin with a long, long ago. And not every story needs to end with a happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, sorry for that being so damn ambiguous. 
> 
> I tried something new.
> 
> I like experimenting with different styles of writing even though I am comfortable with one particular style.
> 
> So this, well I don't even know how I ended up with this tbh.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
